THE ART OF LETTING GO

 

“Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” - Lao Tzu

Hi, welcome back. How have you been recently ? After having a long thought about whether I can be able to deliver this insight about letting go or not, finally I decided to share my own opinions regarding this issue. As a human being, going through everything in life, surviving from a certain condition and still searching for its way to escape. 

Let’s begin with the first thought, back in my high school time, I failed to get admitted into the University I dreamt of. I feel so angry, disappointed and frustrated. But after a week I could hold myself again and had a thought that I could not get everything that I wanted. There must be a reason behind it and I believe that God has the best plan for us as a human being. So instead of being so childish, I decided to let things go and start with something new. New hope, new place and new me. 

After graduating from university, from the major that I have never thought I am capable of, I got an opportunity to go abroad. And with an English skill that I got from it. It was actually my childhood dream to go abroad. Seems like everything was beyond impossible for an ordinary person like me to have a big dream. I am not that smart nor rich to be able to make my dream come true. But, with Allah’s plan and my never ending effort, willingness to learn, and improve myself, finally I made it.

At the age of 24, my ambitious self haunted me. I submitted to join the same program in Belgium. I prepared myself and everything in The Netherlands because it would be easy for everyone and the times before I go back to Indonesia. But with just two documents left, I could not require it due to the complications I was facing back then when I was already in  Indonesia. I could not make it. Still trying to get it while looking for other opportunities in different countries like Luxembourg, Denmark and the UK. Then I could not make it again for several reasons. Feels like my dream stops there. But I looked at myself again, did I really want to do this for the rest of my life without looking for other opportunities open in front of my eyes in Indonesia ? I let myself accept those facts, to be sad but still learn and grow.  

But again, at the age of 27, I got myself involved in the Germany class which I would not have learned when I was younger. In order to join the Ausbildung program in Germany. I took a German Class 5 times in a week after I got back from work. Blood, sweat and tears are surrounding me. Knowing that the German language was not easy to learn as an Indonesian. I stopped at the Level of B1.2. Truthfully I can take a language test with those levels but then again my fear, my insecurities, the pandemic situations and the Russia-Ukraine conflict eat me up. So many things are on my brain at that moment. Then, I let go of those dreams again. I regret nothing during this process though. I have put so much effort, energy, money, and time. Even though I could not make it, I got something to learn. I am proud of myself. 

It also happens in my process of finding someone, as unsocialized and introverted I am. I realized that this process was also tiring and also requires me a lot of energy and time. Liking someone can be hard and hurtful. Moreover, if those people did not like you back. Insecurities, overthink, and a lot of aspects eat you up at the moment. Too many questions are lingering on your mind. Expectations, imaginations and considerations are all gone by the time you realize that you and the person were not destined and meant to be. I let myself feel the pain, grief and soon I can hold myself again. To let go of those people and what I feel about those people. 

So let me sum up all of the things here, after experiencing a lot of failure. To be able to stand up again, I adopt two things: learn and grow. Learning a lot of things from those experiences and opportunities we had been involved in and growing to be someone who let those failures as our assets. Something that me as a human being has to experience to be a wiser and better person in the future by letting go. Relax yourself. 

With love,

Elviera ❤